Are you your worst enemy? How do you get in your own way?
Your choices could be stopping you from living your true potential.
Dr. Phil says we can’t change what we don’t acknowledge.
Here are five self-sabotaging habits that can kill your joy:
1. YOU CAN’T STAND BEING ALONE WITH YOURSELF
I didn’t know how to be alone. I grew up watching my mother put everybody’s needs ahead of her own. I never saw her enjoying her own company. She was always busy doing things for others. I became a master at people pleasing and escaping my own presence 24/7. The truth is you don’t know who you are until you become your best friend. I was the queen of networking. I made sure my days were packed with events that there was no time left to be with myself. If I wasn’t hosting a party, I was attending one. I was surrounded by people, but I felt empty. Something was missing. It took me forty years to realize that I was desperately seeking a loving and fulfilling relationship with me. Sounds familiar? Nobody can make you feel complete and whole but you. Once you love yourself, everything else falls into place. Cultivate inner peace and you will enjoy outer balance.
2. YOU ARE WAITING TO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY
Is your bank account preventing you from living your dreams? If you had all the money you need, what would you do now? Get new clothes. Learn the piano. Sign up for a dance class. Quit your job. Start a business. Attend a spiritual retreat. Write a book. Travel the world. If you keep postponing your fun, that day may never arrive. Once you learn to wait for someday, it becomes your behavior. I don’t know any woman who ever regretted following her heart. So, get out there and do something that excites you.
3. YOU DON’T MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS
Do you look for external approval to take action? If your answer is yes, then you are giving your power away by putting your self-esteem in the hands of others. When they give you validation, you feel good. When they don’t, you feel bad. That means you have no control over your emotions. It’s very convenient to have someone tell you what to do than take 100% responsibility for your life. If things don’t fly, it’s not your fault, you were just following instructions, right? When you have to ask permission to do what you want, you are creating manipulative, needy and codependent relationships. True confidence comes from within.
4. YOU WORRY ABOUT THINGS NOT WORKING OUT
One setback and you conclude that you can’t succeed, or that it’s not worth it. When opportunity knocks on your door, you tell yourself “it didn’t work before, it won’t work now” – you allow your story about your past shape your present – deep inside you don’t believe you can do better. You live in resistance and manifest the same situations over and over again. There are no guarantees that life will give you exactly the results you desire. Trust. Stay open. Take risks. I’ve moved countries twice and left everything I knew behind. Total lifestyle reset. It was scary at first but here I am. The only way to attract new experiences and people into your life is by doing something you’ve never done before. Are you willing to get out of your comfort zone and explore what else is possible?
5. YOU NEVER SAY NO
When you say “yes” just to play nice or commit to activities that are not meaningful to you – you nurture “the martyr complex”, which is the idea that you must please everyone else first and sacrifice your needs, before you can take care of yourself. It’s not selfishness. It’s about intentionally choosing to do what inspires your heart and soul. Once you are clear about what you want, it’s easier to say no to anything that distracts you from your path. Say your friend asks you to contribute to her favorite non-profit or your parents ask you to give them grandchildren. If their request is in alignment with your personal values – awesome! But if it isn’t, be honest and say no without feeling guilty. Why would you donate to a cause you don’t believe in? Why would you procreate to have a life you don’t see yourself in? The only person that knows what is best for you is YOU. If you go ahead and don’t speak your truth – you’re not only going to betray yourself, but you’ll resent your friend and family.
Do something different,